Many victims of sexual or physical abuse feel they have to confront someone. Tell him what happened. The perpetrator did wrong. It was hurtful and you need to healing drug rehabilitation.

It might be quite empowering. However, the reaction could be denial or anger which could prove to be traumatizing. It would be very difficult to defend oneself against such responses. It is possible to confront the perpetrator and have a chance to make amends and to repair the relationship. The survivor might also be able to forgive and let go, seeing and feeling the other as a new person.

Since my father was gone before I knew what he had done, I didn’t get that chance. But my mother wasn’t dead. When my mother was diagnosed as having colon cancer, it was obvious that she had died. I chose to accept it. It felt like a combination cowardice/wisestuff. The cowardice… she was going to deny it, or minimize it. How could you accuse his of such a thing? He loved me.” Or “Oh he was just being man.” Or, “But it didn’t really harm you – you grew well.”

The wisdom part… my therapist questioned me: “What would it be like to gain?” In my dream, then, I said that my mom would acknowledge the fact that she had been abused. She would admit to the pain. She would console me and make an apology. She would be protective and warm like a mother.